I Wish I Were
I wish I were a bird
'Cause if I were a bird then I could take wing high above you
You could watch my white wings flap
And I could take a great big crap on anyone who tried to hurt you
But then I'd have to desert you
Flying southward in the fall
I don't want to be a bird after all
I wish I were a dog
'Cause if I were a dog then I'd do tricks to show I love you
I could run and fetch the stick
And I could sit right down and lick my privates when your Mom came over
But if I was your Rover
You'd have my testicles recalled
I don't want to be a dog after all
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
I wish I were a deer
'Cause if I were a deer then we could play out in the forest
'Til you shot me by mistake
Then you would carve me into steak with a touch so sweet and gentle
Keep my head as a memento
Hangin' in the upstairs hall
I don't want to be a deer after all
I wish I were a monkey
'Cause if I were a monkey, I could be your furry jester
And whenever you were blue
You'd come and see me at the zoo; my antics would be reassurin'
But I would always reek of urine
And throw my feces at the wall
I don't want to be a monkey
I don't want to be a monkey
I don't want to be a monkey after all
Ojalá fuera
Ojalá fuera un pájaro
Porque si fuera un pájaro, podría alzar el vuelo alto sobre ti
Podrías ver mis alas blancas aletear
Y podría cagarle a cualquiera que intentara lastimarte
Pero luego tendría que abandonarte
Volando hacia el sur en otoño
Al final, no quiero ser un pájaro
Ojalá fuera un perro
Porque si fuera un perro, haría trucos para demostrarte que te quiero
Podría correr a buscar el palo
Y podría sentarme y lamerme mis partes privadas cuando tu mamá viniera
Pero si fuera tu Rover
Te habrían retirado mis testículos
Al final, no quiero ser un perro
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
Ojalá fuera un ciervo
Porque si fuera un ciervo, podríamos jugar en el bosque
Hasta que me dispararas por error
Entonces me convertirías en bistec con un toque tan dulce y gentil
Mantendrías mi cabeza como recuerdo
Colgada en el pasillo de arriba
Al final, no quiero ser un ciervo
Ojalá fuera un mono
Porque si fuera un mono, podría ser tu bufón peludo
Y cada vez que estuvieras triste
Vendrías a verme al zoológico; mis payasadas te reconfortarían
Pero siempre olería a orina
Y lanzaría mis heces contra la pared
Al final, no quiero ser un mono
Al final, no quiero ser un mono
Al final, no quiero ser un mono