Sad Cat Lady
Mrs. Mary Winston Jones could not have any children
When her hubby's seed swam in, the Lord above just killed 'em (awww!)
Sad though it was, there's a silver lining
They bought two little kitties at the pound
The tabbies started humpin' and it led to quite a somethin'
Now a blissful family unit is found there
The house is all a-bustle with feline fur and muscle
And the Jones's hearts have truly learned to sing
The only problem now is their just not knowing how
To keep those kitty titties in a sling
Slipping on some poop in the bathroom hallway
Limited to sleeping on the porch (get out!)
Neighbors throwing bottles at their heads on Fridays
Maybe they should kill 'em (yeah!)
They shoulda had some children
Try some IVF or vitamins
Or yoga or a colon cleanse (what?)
The Jones's just aren't making friends
Those kitties are the bloody end
If they hadn't named 'em, it'd be swell
To flush 'em down the drinking well
Their life's become a living hell
But they're so cute, all of 'em
Abner, Ajax, Alfie, Alan, Alvin, Andy, Angus
Anton, Archie, Arlo, Arnie, Artie, Aspen, Atlas
Banjo, Banshee, Barney, Bartok, Batman, Beaver, Benji
Benson, Bernie, Bilbo, Bogart, Bongo, Boofy, Boombox, Bowtie, Braveheart
Bronson, Brubeck, Bumhead, Butler, Cabbage, Carlos, Casper, Cado, Chadwick
Chandler, Chauncey, Chester, Chicken, Comet, Cooper, Cornbread, Cricket, Crunchy, Curly, Curtis
Dallas, Derby, Dasher, Dereck, Dewey, Disco, Dogboy, Dozer, Dreckley
Elwood, Fatty, Fearless, Fergus, Finley, Flapjack, Fonzi, Francis, Fresco, Frostbite, Fuskis
Gary, Gavin, Geezer, Gipper, Gizmo, Gobble, Grimble
Guido, Gumby, Gustav, Haddock, Harold, Harvey, Hedwig, Herby
Hobbes and Hopscotch, Ian, Igor, Ivan, Jasper, Jelly, Jesus!
Jimbo, Jojo, Jordatch, Jumpy, Kirby, Larry, Lennox, Lewis, Liam, Linus, Magnus
Mandrake, Marvin, Maynard, Mickey, Monkey, Moses, Mustache, Nobby, Nomad
Norman, Novak, Nugget, Outlaw, Pablo, Papa, Pedro, Peppers, Pippin, Playboy, Quimby
Raffles, Rampage, Reggie, Ringo, Rolex, Sanchez, Sandstorm, Scooby, Skillet, Slapshot
Socko, Sooty, Sultan, Swayze, Taboo, Tarzan, Tio, Toaster, Tofu, Toothless, Vespa
Victor, Webster, Whamo, Woody, Wrangler, Yoda
Ziggy!
Mrs. Mary Winston Jones could not have any children
When her hubby's seed swam in, the Lord above just killed 'em
La Dama Gato Triste
La señora Mary Winston Jones no pudo tener hijos
Cuando el semen de su esposo entró, el Señor de arriba simplemente los mató (¡ay!)
Triste aunque fue, hay un lado positivo
Compraron dos gatitos en la perrera
Los atigrados empezaron a aparearse y eso llevó a algo grande
Ahora una familia feliz se encuentra allí
La casa está llena de pelaje y energía felina
Y los corazones de los Jones han aprendido a cantar de verdad
El único problema ahora es que no saben cómo
Mantener esos pechos gatunos en un arnés
Resbalándose en un poco de caca en el pasillo del baño
Limitados a dormir en el porche (¡salgan!)
Vecinos lanzando botellas a sus cabezas los viernes
Quizás deberían deshacerse de ellos (¡sí!)
Deberían haber tenido algunos hijos
Probar con IVF o vitaminas
O yoga o una limpieza de colon (¿qué?)
Los Jones simplemente no están haciendo amigos
Esos gatitos son el maldito final
Si no los hubieran nombrado, sería genial
Tirarlos por el pozo de agua
Su vida se ha convertido en un infierno viviente
Pero son tan lindos, todos ellos
Abner, Ajax, Alfie, Alan, Alvin, Andy, Angus
Anton, Archie, Arlo, Arnie, Artie, Aspen, Atlas
Banjo, Banshee, Barney, Bartok, Batman, Beaver, Benji
Benson, Bernie, Bilbo, Bogart, Bongo, Boofy, Boombox, Bowtie, Braveheart
Bronson, Brubeck, Bumhead, Butler, Cabbage, Carlos, Casper, Cado, Chadwick
Chandler, Chauncey, Chester, Chicken, Comet, Cooper, Cornbread, Cricket, Crunchy, Curly, Curtis
Dallas, Derby, Dasher, Dereck, Dewey, Disco, Dogboy, Dozer, Dreckley
Elwood, Fatty, Fearless, Fergus, Finley, Flapjack, Fonzi, Francis, Fresco, Frostbite, Fuskis
Gary, Gavin, Geezer, Gipper, Gizmo, Gobble, Grimble
Guido, Gumby, Gustav, Haddock, Harold, Harvey, Hedwig, Herby
Hobbes y Rayuela, Ian, Igor, Iván, Jasper, Jelly, ¡Jesús!
Jimbo, Jojo, Jordatch, Jumpy, Kirby, Larry, Lennox, Lewis, Liam, Linus, Magnus
Mandrake, Marvin, Maynard, Mickey, Monkey, Moisés, Bigote, Nobby, Nómada
Norman, Novak, Nugget, Forajido, Pablo, Papá, Pedro, Pimientos, Pippin, Playboy, Quimby
Raffles, Rampage, Reggie, Ringo, Rolex, Sánchez, Tormenta de Arena, Scooby, Sartén, Slapshot
Socko, Sooty, Sultán, Swayze, Tabú, Tarzán, Tío, Tostadora, Tofu, Sin Dientes, Vespa
Víctor, Webster, Whamo, Woody, Wrangler, Yoda
¡Ziggy!
La señora Mary Winston Jones no pudo tener hijos
Cuando el semen de su esposo entró, el Señor de arriba simplemente los mató.