Dreadful Domesticity
No sooner were they bound in marriage
When they realized their mistake
And as they got into the carriage
Each pondered what steps to take.
The honeymoon was merely dreary
And by the time that it was through
Their brains were overwrought and weary,
Contemplating what to do.
They reached their villa numb with loathing
As it was fading into night,
They cast aside their outer clothing,
And parted mutely for the night.
At dawn with scissors she came creeping
Into his room and deftly sheared,
While he lay strenuously sleeping,
Uneven notches in his beard.
Then after they had been wedded
A dozen years they paused aghast,
The possibility they had dreaded
Had occurred, occurred at last
They had exhausted all the other
Revenges for existing wrongs,
So they fell on one another,
Him with hammers, her with tongs.
A week went by, a tradesman calling
Peered in and gave a sickened gulp,
For on the carpet they were sprawling,
A single horrid heap of pulp.
Horrible Vida Doméstica
Tan pronto como se casaron
Cuando se dieron cuenta de su error
Y al subir al carruaje
Cada uno reflexionaba qué pasos tomar.
La luna de miel fue simplemente aburrida
Y para cuando terminó
Sus mentes estaban agotadas y cansadas,
Contemplando qué hacer.
Llegaron a su villa entumecidos de repulsión
Mientras se desvanecía en la noche,
Se deshicieron de su ropa exterior,
Y se separaron en silencio por la noche.
Al amanecer ella se acercó sigilosamente con tijeras
A su habitación y hábilmente cortó,
Mientras él dormía con esfuerzo,
Muescas desiguales en su barba.
Luego de haber estado casados
Una docena de años se detuvieron atónitos,
La posibilidad que habían temido
Había ocurrido, ocurrido al fin.
Habían agotado todas las demás
Venganzas por los agravios existentes,
Así que cayeron uno sobre el otro,
Él con martillos, ella con tenazas.
Pasó una semana, un comerciante llamando
Miró y dio un sorbo asqueado,
Pues en la alfombra estaban revolcándose,
Un solo y horrible montón de pulpa.