Fin De Siecle

now my child, you would be five; through everything by my side
in this fin de siècle spirit; this age of selfishness
did we permit everything to slip away?
did i lose everything i believed in?
is there no tomorrow? only thoughts for today
is there no tomorrow? i trusted you

should you have been brought into this cold dark world
fatherless, abandoned with our child within
in this life there are no fathers not on heaven nor on earth
we spend our life searching for this lost fragment of our soul
immersed in self-indulgence is there no hope for beauty?
whose arms are big enough to hold my fears?
already i have more than i can bare.

this life i once opened to joy
now lies twisted in pain
this is dying and not loving
the honey now flows with blood

i will die with this guilt..... knowing i betrayed myself.