Relapse Gospel

You pull me in with silent violence
A saint of every bad decision
I let you write along my pulse line
And call it faith, and call it fiction

I used to hold the wheel so steady
Count every sin like little coins
Now every line inside my body
Is just a map of where you join

You pour yourself into my habits
Turn every hunger into cure
I chase the stain of your approval
Until the warnings start to blur

Now I'm sinking through the ceiling
Handcuffed to the way you taste
Every promise feels like healing
Till I'm shaking in your wake

Take me like a backslide
Make me your relapse
Make me in that soft lie
Till I don’t fight back
If this is salvation
Let it feel this wrong
I’d rather fall to pieces
Than learn to move on

So keep me close when the noise cuts out
That’s when I cry with the curtains down

I only leak the salt in silence
When all the walls forget to speak
A choir of little guilty voices
That only tremble once a week

You turn my pulse into a ritual
Lay every fever at your feet
I call it hurt, you call it usual
We trade control for something sweet

Now I'm sinking through the ceiling
Handcuffed to the way you taste
Every promise feels like healing
Till I'm shaking in your wake

Take me like a backslide
Make me your relapse
Wrap me in that soft lie
Till I don’t fight back
If this is salvation
Let it feel this wrong
I’d rather fall to pieces
Than learn to move on

So keep me close when the noise cuts out
That’s when I cry with the curtains down

You trace my faults like constellations
And I pretend it makes me whole
I let you file my reservations
And sign my body to your hold

There’s poison hiding in this comfort
There’s blame inside the way we move
I say I’ll stop, but every contact
Becomes another sacred proof

I am not in control
You are my favorite sickness
Carve your mark in my soul
I keep calling it witness

I am not in control
Drag me deeper inside you
If this is all that I know
I won’t try to deny you

Take me like a backslide
Make me your relapse
Wrap me in that soft lie
Till I don’t fight back
If this is salvation
Let it feel this wrong
I’d rather fall to pieces
Than learn to move on

So keep me close when the noise cuts out
I save my tears for the quiet end
And every time I swear it’s over
I let you break me once again