Apologetiparoxysm

My shell is present but
My minds light years away
I need a substance to secure my anchor
I dig and dig until I've dug myself a grave

Where did it come from?
This newfangled anger
This persistent unfounded
Annoyance is taking it's toll
Any semblance of calm has corroded

A psyche so sick and a soul so much sicker
Delusion my only reprieve
Listless callous numb
Despondency's the flavor of the day

A rapid shift in my
Temperaments led me to sink
To a depth of dejection at which
I can't think through the mire malign

In my mind I meander and pray that
I stumble across some place safe
But I won't, I'll remain in this prison
Reinforce the cell walls and fire upon any
Who try to help I'm a toxin too
Comfortable covered in quills

Listless callous numb
Despondency's the flavor of the day

Please forgive me I know I'm
A nightmare and not myself
I just can't shake this feeling
Of impending doom and that
Weight on my mental health
Left me so detached

With every respite from this odd
Suspension I'm trapped in
I see all the pain that I've caused and it
Kills me inside so I put up a wall
Further, exacerbating the problems
And still entertaining this
Listless callous numb