Learning To Hate You As A Self-Defense Mechanism

You're on the phone
With someone who doesn't know
About your soul and how it
Can't be held by flesh and bone
And I guess that's fine
I would never want you to
Stop your life
But when I saw you both
With your shoulders touching
Sitting so close
I knew I'd hold on to this feeling
I'd hold on to anything at all
Was it my fault?
Because I easily confused you
For someone who would hold my hand
When things got hard
When things got dark
Because, oh my god
When they get dark
They get so dark
You were always a shitty friend
And you would leave when I got sick
You never called me on my birthday
I want to call you on your birthday
So I'll hold on to this feeling
I'll hold on to this hate
For as long as I need
For it to help me