Avolition

Infatuated with not being alone
Blinded by gratitude
Stumble onto your pedestal
Who could be well enough
To withstand your level of indifference
Joy curdles
Stale impostor

Sharpen them
Into subtle barbs
Puncture the skin
Our fragile happiness
Ripped by—an accidental brush

Sting me into silence
I need this to end
At any cost

I was promised
A better hand

Drink from me
Why pull away
I can't escape your acrid mouth
And gnawing doubt

I have no time
To make it right

Clumsy ill-timed affection
Loaded with expectation
I will not be
Your great mistake
You are not mine
But then I went numb

I never miss your voice
It pulls my hair
With sticky fingers and angry whispers

Fighting nausea
Leaden moments
Aching
Wilting
Alternating
Between hurt and
Nothing
Nothing!
There was a time
That I believed
Every word
You spit my way
Now they land
Shy of my feet

This won't hurt long
Superficial bonds
Tested by little
Wounded by all
You don't know what this means
You will assume
I let you go
But I jumped
Right after you fell