What I've Become

I used to punish myself for existing
Thought friends were waiting for the day I went missing
I pushed them back with my thoughts
Convinced that I was hated, I just reaped what a saught

Imagined anger in jokes
So every time they poked I shot back unprovoked
It's not the way that I am
But that's what self hatred can do to a man

Let alone a man who doesn't want to be one
Let alone a kid who thinks his life lacks reason
Let alone a loner loser losing all his day-ones
Everyday I wake up and rue what I have become