Imagine If

Every stitch of clothing, every strand of hair
My skin and bones, my toe and finger nails
All my vital organs
Appendages and such, I’m not sure
Every word I say, even the promises
Ever tear and every laugh and every kiss
The good dreams and the bad dreams
The whispers and the screams, I’m not sure
I doubt everything about me
Choices all around me, but which one is mine?
I never thought that I would be so hard to find
I’ve looked in every picture
The mirrors in the past,
I’m not there
And I’ve never been decisive but this takes the cake
An existential nervousness that I can’t shake
I used to be so different, once I trusted and once I just played
And I can’t be too sure just when it was that I changed.
I can’t look at anything without seeing a million different ways it could be.
Including me.