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I'm going to sleep now

Bet they must think I'm weird
'Cause sometimes my eyes tear up suddenly
You ask me what happened to make me feel like this
But in reality, it's several things

That got jammed up in here for me to deal with
(They hold me in a prison)
When I recall it, I cry
Supposedly for no reason
I can't take off, well, at least I tried

It's just that when I look at my parents
I'm sure that I'm lonely
Maybe some people cry 'cause their parents made them wash the dishes
Or didn't fulfill their useless wishes

But I just didn't want my parents to laugh at me
When I came home crying after school almost daily
I wanted my mom not to call me dangerous and crazy
Not to mock my disorder
And then say that there's nothing wrong with me
Changing her mind whenever it suits her

I don't want to have children
But if I had one
Oh, dear imaginary kid
I promise I wouldn't be like this
(I swear I wouldn't)

I'm fucking sad
Convincing myself that the past stays in the past
That not everything is so bad
Then more and more words in my notepad
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I wish I were numb
Instead of dumb
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I wish I were numb
Instead of dumb

I wanted not to feel anything
Unfortunately or fortunately
I feel everything
I wanted to be insensitive
And I'm extremely sensitive
Or maybe this is all injustice
And I'm just acting humanely

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