After I Am Gone

You don't call me anymore
You just say you're busy
I see you laughing weird in the world
But you don't make time for me
You walk past everything I gave like it was nothing at all
I gave you my whole life
You can't give me one call
I'm still your father, why do I feel erased?

Yeah, I had flaws
Yeah, I got loud
But I never once walked out

After I'm gone, you'll feel this pain
Every ignore, text, every misname
When the wood hits dirt and the crowd goes home
You finally understand what it means to be alone
You'll say you love me, you'll cry on cue
But love shows up
Why didn't you? I was here
I was breathing, you just stopped believing

And I was sick, you didn't know, and I was weak
You didn't show, you never asked if I was okay
You never missed me enough to stay
I waited for you, you never came
Now I'm just a fading name
I told myself you'd come around, but hope gets quiet without a sound
After I'm gone, you'll wish you tried
You'll replay nights you let me cry, you'll stand there shaking
Hands in regret, wishing you could undo what you chose to forget
You'll say you love me
Maybe you did, but love isn't words, it's what you'll give
Jesus forgives, I hope he does, because one day you'll answer for us
And he'll ask you simple and plain, why you never came?

After I'm gone, don't tell the crowd
You were proud, don't post my picture, don't say my name
If you couldn't show up while I felt the pain
And I was here, I was alive
You just thought I had more time
After I'm gone, you'll finally see
You didn't lose me, you abandoned me

My hands bled just for you, I work until they shook
I missed my own dreams so you could chase the ones you took
I stood outside in the cold so you could sleep in worm light
I swallowed every fear just to keep you all right
No I sit alone in a house I build for us
You pass my name in silence like I'm someone you don't trust
You left me here waiting
You don't even try

Yeah, I made mistakes
I wasn't easy to love
But I never stopeed showing up
I never gave up

After I'm gone, when the wood hits dirt
When the sound of goodbye finally starts to hurt
You'll wish you came
You wish you stayed, you replay every call you never made
You say you love me, you swear you cared
But love shows up and you weren't there
I was here, I was alive
You just thought I had more time

When I fell down, you never found me
When I needed you, you weren't around me
I watched your life move on so fast, while I was stuck inside the past
I kept the porch light on at night
I told myself you make it right, but hope gets tired
And so do I, you left me behind and called it a lie, you didn't mean to hurt me
That's what you say, but not meaning to, still hurts this way

After I'm gone
Standing by my grave you'll cry for the time, you never gave
You'll touch that stone, you'll say my name
But it won't answer, it won't answer, it won't be the same
You'll beg for one more chance to call
Silence won't answer, it all, Jesus forgives, I tried it through
But even he knows, love has to move

One day you'll stand before him alone
And he'll ask you why you never came home

After I'm gone, when the dirt falls down
When they lowered me slow into the ground
That's when you'll feel what you denied, I was still here
But you left me slide, I was your father, I needed you
Not your money, just something true
After I'm gone, the grave will stay longer than I ever did
Waiting for you that way