Word comes down on the party line
All the suckers on the grapevine are saying
Look out boys, here come the Capes and Sticks!
And they jitter with the funk down Bulblight Lane
When the phone in the phonebox rings again and it's the Cape and Stick gang saying
Just hang around and we'll stick it to you quick!

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Whistling Lillie Langtry
How we laugh when we hear them sigh
The girls who never catch our eye
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

And the rookie's in the alley with his home-made drag in a polythene bag
And the rookie say Uh oh, looks like I got out the wrong side of my bed today!
'Cause the Capes and Sticks are waiting for him
And they pierce his ears with a safety pin
And the rookie's trying to laugh it off saying
I was thinking of doing that anyway

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Lillie is our heroine
We play pool all through the air raid
Rape machines in the game arcade
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

They mount a double-decker with their Lyons Maids
Sit down on either side of a girl with braids
With too much lipstick on her too-thin lips and a handbag made of lizard
And the Cape in front of her charms her
Smiles in her face and disarms her
And when they kiss the Stick behind her cuts off her braids with a pair of folding scissors, singing

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Whistling Lillie Langtry
How we laugh when we hear them sigh
The girls who never catch our eye
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

Well they don't need knives for their sweet attacks
Just the sticks they keep down the front of their slacks
Big as a family heirloom, Daddy's randy hand me-down
And for a couple of crowns they'll take you to the docks
Whistling Lillie as they pull out their cocks
Drag you to the top of the gantry, dangle you fifty feet above the ground, singing

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Lillie is our heroine
We play pool all through the air raid
Rape machines in the game arcade
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

And on every man's hip there's a thermos flask
If you want a sip all you've got to do is ask
Maybe it's bromide tea or maybe ecstasy
They kiss the girls and make them cry
Then they kiss the boys, they're real bi-guys
And we've all got to die some day, some way, you follow me?

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Whistling Lillie Langtry
How we laugh when we hear them sigh
The girls who never catch our eye

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Lillie is our heroine
We play pool all through the air raid
Rape machines in the game arcade

Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay (hey, hey)

Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay