Who's Crazy / My Psychopharmacologist And I

Who's Crazy / My Psychopharmacologist And I

Dan:
Who's crazy?
The husband or wife?
Who's crazy?
To live their whole life
Believing that somehow
Things aren't as bizarre as they are?

Who's crazy?
The one who can't cope,
Or maybe the one who'll still hope?
The one who sees doctors
Or the one who just waits in the car?

And I was
A wild twenty-five,
And I loved
A wife so alive,
But now I believe I would settle
For one who can drive.

Doctor Fine:
The round blue ones with food, but not with the oblong
white ones, the white ones with the round yellow ones
but not the trapezoidal green ones. Split the green ones
into thirds with a tiny chisel, use a mortal and pestle to grind…

Diana:
My psychopharmacologist and I...
It's like an odd romance
Intense and very intimate,
We do our dance.
My psychopharmacologist and I...
Call it a lover's game
He knows my deepest secrets
I know his... name.

And though he will
Never hold me,
He'll always take my calls.
It's truly like he told me:
Without a little lift,
The ballerina falls.

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
Goodman, Diana. Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes.
Sixteen-year history of medication. Adjustments after one
week.

Diana: [Spoken]
I've got less anxiety, but I have headaches, blurry vision,
and I can't feel my toes.

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
So we'll try again, and eventually we'll get it right.

Diana: [Spoken]
Not a very exact science, is it?

Voices:
Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanax...
Depakote, Klonopin, Ambien, Prozac...
Ativan calms me when I see the bills
These are a few of my favorite pills.

Diana: [Spoken]
Oh, thank, Doctor. Valium is my favorite color. How'd
you know?

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
Goodman, Diana. Second adjustment after three weeks.
Delusions less frequent but depressive state worse.

Diana: [Spoken]
I'm nauseous and I'm constipated. Completely lost my
appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is
just not fair.

Diana, Doctor Fine & Voices:
May cause the following
Side effects, one or more:

Diana & Doctor Fine:
Dizziness, drowsiness,
Sexual dysfunction Voices:
Headaches and tremors Diarrhea, constipation
And nightmares and Nervous laughter,
Seizures- Palpitations-

Diana, Doctor Fine & Voices:
Anxiousness, anger,
Exhaustion, insomnia,
Irritability,
Nausea, vomiting

Diana:
Odd and alarming sexual feelings.

Diana, Doctor Fine & Voices:
Oh, and one last thing

Doctor Fine:
Use may be fatal...

Gabe:
Use may be fatal...

Dan:
Use may be fatal...

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
Goodman, Diana. Third adjustment after five weeks. Reports
continued mild anxiety and some lingering depression.

Diana: [Spoken]
I now can't feel my fingers or my toes. I sweat profusely
for no reason. Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for
sex. Although whether that's the medicine or the marriage
is anybody's guess.

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
I'm sure it's the medicine.

Diana: [Spoken]
Oh, thank you, that's very sweet. But my husband's waiting
in the car.

Dan:
Who's crazy?
The one who's half-gone?
Or maybe
The one who holds on?
Remembering when she was twenty,
And brilliant and bold.
And I was so young,
And so dumb,
And now I am old.
Diana:
And she was And though he'll never
Wicked and wired. Hold me,
The sex was He'll always take
Simply inspired. My calls.
Now there's no sex, It's truly like
She's depressed, He told me
And me I'm just tired. Without a little lift
Tired. Tired. Tired. The ballerina falls.

Who's crazy- My psychopharmacologist and I
The one who's uncured?
Or maybe
The one who's endured? Together side by side...
The one who has Without him I'd die...
Treatments,
Or the one who just My psychopharmacologist
Lives with the pain? And I.

They say love is blind,
But believe me-
Love is insane.

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
Goodman, Diana. Seven weeks.

Diana: [Spoken]
I don't feel like myself. I mean, I don't feel anything.

Doctor Fine: [Spoken]
Hmpf. Patient stable.