Apologeia

O life, you seem to turn your back to me
Devoid of hope, where can I go?
Without divine judgement and intervention
No one can live, no one can hope

It is to You, my Lord that I turn now
I proved myself more than once
Once You've tested humanity's faith
But now, I'll test Your strength

O pain, so real so everlasting
You break my heart and crush my soul
I see no way out of this but
I chose to live and suffer thee

That's why my Lord, in Your eyes I'll commit
One by one the seven gravest sins
Until Your righteous punishment shall rid me
Of every doubt about Your existence

You can't escape the pain
Of life's suffering
But how sweet it becomes when
It has a meaning

This meaning I found
In wrath, sin and grief
How strong is my hate!
It makes me feel alive