Heinous Anus

10 am, and I hit the alarm
It's been 5 short hours since I tied one on
And on the way to the kitchen for my morning cup
I gotta run to the can before my bowels erupt

Grab my knees and howl like a dawg
I've got a 12 inch long jalapeño log
You can keep that Thai, yeah I think I'll pass
I ain't got a week to nurse my ass!!!

I just want a normal stool!
Hey, hey, hey, heinous anus!

I've been on the throne all day
I can't face the world in any other way
Help me out,
I wanna be someone who
Doesn't start the morning with a molten poo!!!

I don't want this screaming hoop!!!
Hey, hey, hey, heinous anus!