And 'lo, the Lord said unto the Nephites
I, uh, I know you're really depressed
Well, with all your AIDS and everything
But there's an answer in Christ
You see, this book can help us

I just told a lie
No, wait, I didn't lie
I just used my imagination
And it worked

You're making things up again, Arnold
(But it worked, Dad)
You're stretching the truth again
And you know it
Don't be a fibbing Fran, Arnold
(Joseph Smith?)
Because a lie is a lie
(It's not a lie)

You're making things up again, Arnold
(Oh, conscience)
You're taking the holy word
And adding fiction
Be careful how you proceed, Arnold
When you fib, there's a price

Ah, this is bullshit!
The story that I have been told
Is that the way to cure AIDS
Is by sleeping with a virgin
I'm going to go and rape a baby

What? Oh my, no!
You can't do that, no!
Why not?
Because that is definitely against God's will
Says who?
Where in that book of yours
Does it say anything about sleeping
With a baby, huh? Nowhere!

Uh, behold, the Lord said, to the Mormon prophet, Joseph Smith
You shall not have sex with that infant: 'Lo
Joseph said: Why not, Lord? Huh? Why not?
And the Lord said
If you lay with that infant
You shall, burn in the fiery pits of Mordor

Really?
Uh-huh, uh-huh
A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith
I shall give unto you a, a frog
And thus, Joseph laid with the frog
And his AIDS was no more
(Oh)

You're making things up again, Arnold
You're recklessly warping the words of Jesus
You can't just say what you want, Arnold
(Come on, Hobbits)
You're digging yourself a deep hole

I'm making things up again, kind of
But this time it's helping a dozen people
It's nothing so bad
Because this time—
I'm not committing a sin
Just by making things up again, right?
(No)

Elder Cunningham, you have to stop him!
What? What is it?
Gotswana is going to cut off
His daughter's clitoris
Hah?

This is all very interesting
But women have to be circumcised
If that's what the general wants
No, doing that to a lady
Is definitely against Christ's will

How do you know?
Christ never said nothin' about no clitoris
Yes! Yes, he did!
In ancient New York, three men
Were about to cut off
A Mormon woman's clitoris
But right before they did
Jesus had Boba Fett turn them into frogs

Frogs?
You mean, like the frogs
That got fucked by Joseph Smith?
Right! Right! Like those frogs!
For a clitoris is holy
Among all things said He

You're making things up again, Arnold
(We're learning the truth)
You're taking the holy word
And adding fiction
(The truth about God)
Be careful how you proceed, Arnold
When you fib, there's a price
(We're going to paradise)

Who would have thought
I'd have this magic touch?
Who'd've believed
I could man up this much?
I'm talking, they're listening
My stories are glistening
I'm gonna save them all with this stuff!

You're making things up again, Arnold
(Elder Cunningham)
You're making things up again, Arnold
(Holy prophet man)
You're making things up again, Arnold
(Our savior)

You're making things up again
Hum, up again making things you are—
I know