Security Guard

he struts and he swaggers, he's pretty sure
that chicks dig a guy in uniform
grey flannel pants and wine covered jacket
the smirk on his face makes you just wanna smack it
couldn't be a real cop without the mental wherewithal
so he's busting heads down at the shopping mall
security guard, mr security guard

always wanted to be authorized personnel
he can go through this door and that door as well
he's limiting the loitering and breaking up brouhahas
he controls your access to santa claus
his keys jingle jangle as they hang from his belt
for his lunch his mom dropped off a tuna melt
for security guard, mr security guard

crisis in the food court, but first he's gotta take a whiz
even though he's inside he's wearing sunglasses
sign says floor is slippery and man, it sure is
watch your step, security guard

just checked the bathrooms and the food court's secure
time to hit on the girls at the vitamin store
they might remember him as the high school football star
now he's that guy with the neon lights underneath his car
stands around with the other guards comparing flashlights
"put a quarter in that horsey kid. theres no free rides"
security guard
wash my car
put down that cigar
you're not george peppard
security guard