A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance you won't nestle
A fine romance you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunts
I haven't got a chance, this is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed a crease in your blue serge pants
I never get the chance, this is a fine romance