I'm Not Easy To Replace

The stars are shrinking
In places you used to love me loud
I stopped asking you where you were
'Cause I already knew where I wasn't

You used to text me home safe every single night
Now it's 2 AM and my message still
Says delivered twice
I reread our old chats just to feel
Something real
Scrolling through a version of you
That I still feel
I remember cooking for you on a
Random Tuesday
You said you didn't have to
But you still ate anyway
I watched you like I wasn't even there
And still asked if you needed more
Like I wasn't disappearing right there
I started apologizing for things I didn't do
Like your silence was somehow
Something I put you through
I bent my voice just to keep you calm
While you kept finding new ways to
Do me wrong
I kept telling myself he's just tired
While my knees were quietly expiring and I
I called it love to survive
Even when I felt alone by your side

But I'm not easy to replace
Not the way I memorized every mood on your face
Not the way I stayed when I was breaking every day
You gon' feel me in the silence when I'm gone away
I gave you pieces I can't get back
Turned your bad memories into something I lacked
And one day it's gonna hit you heavy, no escape
That I'm not easy to replace
I remember crying in your hoodie on the floor
Trying not to make a sound so you wouldn't hear me anymore
You were right there, but you felt miles away
And I learned how to hurt in a quiet way
I stopped telling people how you made me feel
'Cause I got tired of hearing this isn't real
But it was real every time you chose not to stay
Every time you looked at me then looked away
I used to pray you loved me out loud
Instead of loving me only when no one's around
I was your secret piece, your hidden escape
While I was out here drowning trying to keep you safe
I kept choosing you over me
Like losing myself meant loyalty
And now I see what I became
A woman begging just to be claimed!

'Cause I'm not easy to replace
Not the way I held you through your worst mistakes
Not the way I stayed when I was losing all my faith
You gon' search for me in every woman that you chase
I gave you love you didn't earn
Watched you take it like it was mine to burn
And one day it's gonna hit you—no, no escape
That I'm not easy to replace
You got so used to me waiting
You forgot I had somewhere to go
You got so used to me fixing
You didn't notice I was breaking slow
And now there's no one reading you like I did
No one catching every little thing you hid
You lost the woman who would've stayed through anything
And I lost myself, loving you

But I'm not easy to replace
Not the way I loved you even when it wasn't safe
Not the way I carried all your weight
While you couldn't even hold my pain
You gon' miss the way I used to care
The way I stayed, the way I was there
And when it finally hits you, too late to change your reality
I was never easy to replace
I don't even hate you
I just hate how long I stayed
Begging you to love me
In ways I already deserved