I Shrunk Myself For Love

I noticed the first time I went quiet
It just became easier
Than explaining why I was hurting
When you weren't listening

I remember sitting on the edge of the bed
Watching you get dressed like I wasn't there
You used to kiss me before you left
Now you just grab your keys and air
I sent you a long text at 11:47
Deleted half of it before you could read
Tried not to sound like I needed you
Even though you were all I need
You stopped asking how my day went
So I stopped having anything to say
It's crazy how you can live with someone
And still feel miles away
I started telling people we're okay
With a smile that didn't reach my face
'Cause I didn't want to explain
Why loving you felt like a lonely place

I kept saying it's just a phase
While slowly losing who I was
And every time I chose peace
I was choosing less of me
I shrunk myself for love
Till I barely took up space beside you
Made my voice softer so you wouldn't get tired of me
I learned how to need you quietly
Learned how to cry where you couldn't see
And I called it patience but it was breaking me

I gave you a woman who would stay through anything
And you gave me a silence that slowly killed everything
Now I'm sitting with the truth
That I lost myself trying not to lose you
I remember crying in the bathroom
While you were laughing on your phone
I turned the tap on just to hide it
'Cause I got used to hurting alone
You stopped reaching for my hand in public
Like loving me became too much to show
And I started questioning everything
About a love I used to know

I bought things I thought would fix it
Little changes here and there
But no matter how much I adjusted
You were never really there
I stopped telling my friends the truth
'Cause I was tired of hearing you deserve more
But I was still hoping you'd become
The man you were before
I kept holding onto memories
Like they were promises you'd keep
But you were already gone
I was just the last to see

I shrunk myself for love
So my reflection didn't feel like me
I gave you every part of my heart
While you gave me uncertainty
I made excuses for your absence
Turned your absence into grace
And every time you pulled away
I found a way to stay
I gave you a woman who would never give up
But you made me feel like loving you was always too much
And now I'm left here healing
From a love that felt so real but never really was
Outro
You didn't lose me overnight
You lost me in every moment I felt alone next to you
In every tear I had to hide
In every time I begged without words
And every piece of myself I had to give up
Just to keep you
And I stayed, God I stayed longer than I should've
Because I thought love meant not giving up on you
But I was giving up on me
I shrunk myself for love
But I won't disappear again
I won't beg for attention or compete with your distance
I was never too much, I was just too real
For someone who didn't know how to love deeply
And one day you'll remember me
In the way nobody else loves you
But by then I'll be whole again
I'll be me again
The woman I lost trying to keep you
I'm still healing from loving you
More than I ever loved myself