Played myself, innit silly of me?
Got me so worked up, I'm here grinding my teeth
Still saved as hotty number 3
What did you do to me?
My lips are chapped from kissing your ass
Look at me all tucked in with your big red flags
You said I quote: I'm not really a boyfriend guy
Surprise surprise

I'm here, desperate and down bad
You said you might do that
The heads up was nice
You tried to tell me
No, it's not your fault you're a dumbass
I've always known that
Now, there's tears in my eyes
Surprise surprise

So you mean to tell me
The guy that could barely
Hug his own mother is not the one that you'll marry?
Oh, what a shock, what a horror
Turns out he's a real weird vibe
And that's when most people say their goodbyes
But truth be told, God knows I love a DIY
You said I quote: I'm just not the commitment type
Surprise surprise

I'm here, desperate and down bad
You said you might do that
The heads up was nice
You tried to tell me
No, it's not your fault you're a dumbass
I've always known that
Now, there's tears in my eyes
Surprise surprise

Prince Charming left the building, who was I to assume?
I try to walk away but I'm a sucker for doom, oh
Oh
And I know you're not a winner and I'm wasted on you
Inebriated by the stench of your cheap perfume, oh
Oh

I'm here, desperate and down bad
You said you might do that
The heads up was nice
You tried to tell me
No, it's not your fault you're a dumbass
I've always known that
Now, there's tears in my eyes
Surprise surprise