Disheartenment

I hate
I hate
I hate everything
And I hate myself the most
I don't care about anything anymore
There's no point

You posses a false body and a fake soul
Do you know why?

I am neither false nor fake
I am simply me

No
You are an empty shell with a false soul
You are just an object that is pretending to be a human
Look deep within yourself
Do you perceive the almost intangible and invisible presence that lurks below your waking self?
Inside your darkest dreams?
It is there that your true identity lies

No, I am me
I became myself by the instrumentality of the links and relationships between myself and others
I am formed by interaction with others
They create me as I create them
These relationships and interactions will serve to shape the patterns of my heart and mind

But there is someone else who is your true self
This is what you fear

Lying in a dark corner
The last candle light is dying out
Trying to refuse this suffering
As darkness burns my frail naked soul

I faced my fears a thousand times
Endless doubts, life of paranoia
I try to find a way out
From this state of suicidal urge

I read with empty eyes the page
As tears begin to fall down my face
Another night alone with myself
At one with melancholy and depression

I fled because the dark is near
I cry as I realize you can't be here
I needed to caress your skin in the night
But now my only friend has left my life

Why must I live with these fears?
I know my only tragedy is my mind
Sometimes I think I'm wasting all the joys
And with this bitter thought I fear to die

I feel so jaded now, so far away
I can't face the next morning with this pain
Another thought lacerates my mind
This time pray it will be the last

I'm only trying to objectivate this hate
To prove towards myself and life itself
My words are nothing more than open wounds
I cry to nobody in the night

I only need to stop these sick death thoughts
And cry for joy when you'll be here again (these dreams seem impossible)
I'll watch you sleeping naked at my side
I'll kiss you and these thoughts will stop to flow

Don't do anything
Don't come near me
All you ever do is hurt me

Anyone can abandon you one day
Life brings pain and suffering on our way
Cut all ties, it's simpler than it seems
But in death you'll know
Disheartenment always wins

I am happy
Because I want to die
I want despair
I want to return to nothing
But when everything is over
And I am of no use anymore
He will abandon me