If I Let The Light In

If I Let the Light In
Dear God
It's been a minute
I haven't called
Didn't know what to say

I keep thinking about small things
The kind that shouldn't hurt this much
Moments pass
I stay

I tell myself I'm fine
Like that makes it true
I hold it together in public
Fall apart in quiet rooms

I live close to the edge
Not falling
Not flying
Just, here

I'm living inside my ache
Watching my sense of self fade out
I laugh like nothing touches me
But everything does
I want to ask for help
The words stop halfway
I wonder who I'd be
If I wasn't afraid of peace

I've carried this weight so long
It feels wrong to set it down
Calm feels unfamiliar
Almost unsafe now

There are boxes I don't open
Names I don't say
Calls I don't return
Memories I keep folded away

I tell myself tomorrow
Again

I'm living inside my ache
Watching my sense of self fade out
I laugh like nothing touches me
But everything does
I want to ask for help
The words stop halfway
I wonder who I'd be
If I wasn't afraid of peace

I don't know what's next
I don't know who I become
I only know I can't stay
Where I am forever

Outro
(Oh)
If I let the light in
(Oh)
Would I disappear?
(Oh)
Or would I finally feel
Like I'm still here?