The first to leave

I should open with a kiss
For if you're reading this
You must have opened up your case
And found this letter where I placed it
In between the silk and lace
There were other clues, like your walking shoes
But I still refused to believe
That you were meant to be the first to leave

Everybody here sends you their love
How can I forget you still walk above
Or
below
Perhaps you'll never know this purgatory
We never could agree
There's a thought, there's a pause
No time to repent
Eternally yours
In a permanent lent

But if I should give you up
If you're right and life just stops
And I never see your face again
Then from unearthly pleasures, proud and plain
I shall abstain

Until you realise, my loss is your surprise
Unless you know otherwise
Then don't grieve
You see I had to be the first to leave