Auctioneer Song

There was a boy in Arkansas who wouldn't listen to his ma
When she told him that he should go to school
He'd sneak away in the afternoons
Take a little walk and pretty soon you'd find him at the local auction barn.
He'd stand and he'd listen carefully then pretty soon he began to see
How the Auctioneer could talk so rapidly
He said oh my it's do or die, I've got to learn that auction cry
Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer.

Twenty-five dollar bidder now
Thirty dollar, thirty, will they give me thirty
Make it thirty, bid in the form of thirty dollar
Will they give me thirty, who'll give me a thirty dollar bid
Thirty dollar bidder now
Thirty five, will they give me thirty-five
To make it a thirty-five, A bid of thirty-five
Who will bid it at a thirty-five dollar bid.

As time went on he did his best and all could see he didn't jest
He practiced calling bids both night and day
His pop would find him behind the barn just working up an awful storm
As he tried to imitate the auctioneer
Then his pop said, "son we just can't stand
To have a mediocre man sellin' things at auction using our good name.
I'll send you off to auction school then you'll be nobody's fool
You can take your place among the best."

So from that boy who went to school, there grew a man who played it cool
He came back home a full-fledged auctioneer, then the people came from miles around
Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound
That filled their hearts with such a happy cheer
Then his fame spread out from shore to shore
He had all he could do and more
Had to buy a plane to get around
Now he's the tops in all the land
Let's pause to give that man a hand
He's the best hillbilly auctioneer.