​it hasn’t killed me yet

I've been second choice all my life, I know
It’s still better than being in the last row
I've been overthinking everything I know
Maybe something with me is just really wrong
I've been running home to [?]
Don’t ever go out or meet up with my friends
I don't talk about all of these things
But the boat I'm in, it slowly sinks
It slowly sinks

Since when does emptiness feel so heavy?
I really could've had it all
But I can't keep myself steady
So you'll stand there and watch me fall
They all say that I'm strong
'Cause it hasn’t killed me yet
But what’s taking mе so long?
Why hasn't it killed me yet?

I’vе been staring at my ceiling for too long
Wondering if someone is missing me at home
I've been moving backwards, not towards my goals
Can't afford to let anyone get close
I'm so damn scared of giving up control
That sometimes I think I’ll always be alone
I've been spiralling in a black hole
Don't think I'll ever find my way back home
Find my way back home

Since when does emptiness feel so heavy?
I really could've had it all
But I can't keep myself steady
So you'll stand there and watch me fall
They all say that I'm strong
'Cause it hasn't killed me yet
But what's taking me so long?
Why hasn't it killed me yet?