Stalking Skills

Why are there so many letters in this email
Some of the words I don't even know how to pronounce
I think it is harsh and quite unfair

I was walking down the street one night
When I saw you laughing with your friends
You went into a club
Where you can get lots of alcohol

I followed and I placed myself close
To maybe hear what you like
To talk about and maybe find out
Which one is your favourite drink
Maybe I will have one myself

Bravely I rang you up to let you know I like your hairdo
And it makes you look quite hunky too
You just hung up on me like I was some
Crazy girl

Yesterday I got this really unpleasant email saying
I should stop bothering you or else
You might decide to talk to the police

No more phone calls no more letters
No more spying no more stalking
No more phone calls no more creepy stalking

Now I see vividly before me a whole new career
Wearing gloves trenchcoat and a hat
Getting nearer to my victims using all my stalking skills

I will be the new Clouseau
James and the rest
Would retire if they knew
All the things that I would do
Adding bits and pieces and
Collecting little clues
Solve the mystery and the riddle
This is what I'd do