It's Not Getting Easier

You made me feel nauseous
I keep getting sick
Can't remember where it started
Can't forget all that you did to me
You tasted so bittersweet
I still see you every time I sleep
I gave you every part of me
I bet you couldn't tell
I fall in love with narcissists
Don't care about myself
I just go through sedatives
Keep f*cking up my health
What's the point of heaven
I already live in hell

It's not getting easier
I'll lie and say it is
I gave up on getting better
It's just the way it is
I've been feeling numb ever since I was a kid
I don't wanna die
But I don't wanna try and live

It's not getting easier
I'll lie and say it is
I gave up on getting better
It's just the way it is
I've been feeling numb ever since I was a kid
I don't wanna die
But I don't wanna try and live

I said that I loved you
(Save me)
I gave you the blood from my skin
I tried everything
Admit it
It's hard but I did it
You left me too damaged
This time it won't fix

I'm calling for you
Are you with someone else
The pics on my phone
Are nowhere to be found
Would it surprise you
If I took myself
I might just die here
When no one's around
But I made a choice
That I regret
Stomp out the house
From what I said
And now it's too late to apologize
Fumbled my words
I guess this is goodbye

I wish I did better
Thinking all the time
Baby it's whatever
See you in the next life
I'm trying to forget her
But God it feels impossible
Now she's just a number
Floating in my phone
I wish I did better
Thinking all the time
I don't make any sense
And it makes me wanna cry
But I look like I'm stupid
And she say that it's fine
Girl you're pretty funny
Tell another lie