Privately Owend Spiral Galaxy

Thought cycle gusty a mind filled with hot air
Must I care for nothing more than myself?
Do I dare admit the fraught thoughts cavorting
Resorting in inner-directed mourning
For the part of me that was selfless
But left without a warning
Well that's what I said, but maybe
It's the fact that I detest, this obsession
With myself that leaves a mess inside my head
Oh shit, I'm doing it again, repelling
Any potential friend, revealing my innate ability
To never fully comprehend, anything bigger
Than myself, but in the end I still pretend
Condescend anyone polite enough
To choose to misspend their time
Watching me achieve, my secret social mission
To drain people with my boring stories and opinions
To see the bigger picture; takes intelligence and wisdom
But I won't see nothing with just myself in my vision

I go outside, a blitz of faces unwilling to confess
To any empathy, endlessly, incessantly
Declining any pleasantries
Heavily breathing, I'm socially teething
I'm open like a vivisection
Intense tendency to dwell, seething
Over missed connections
Infected by my perception that I'm a non-entity
Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry
Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived
While I was dreaming. Awake!
Freezing, wheezing, fundamentally I'm still believing that
This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep
And I helplessly watch them fade as I awake
I try and keep them alive
Incomparable with life but eventually they die
And the brain I used to cultivate reveals
My lovers were a lie

But when inside my mind I find a way to replicate reality
Through lucid dreaming I decimate limitations of actuality
Capacity's practically eternal, mortality's external
No God, but I investigate the blasphemous
Worship of the nocturnal
Internally existing without morality creates profanities
Without the travesty, and compared
To the apathy of realness
I reveal my own insanity
The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy
Normalities affect trajectory your agony
Of rationality, which thankfully penetrates
With no avail to my unreality
It's an elaborately designed, privately owned spiral galaxy
Financially I'm failing, naturally I'm decaying
Soon I'll have no safe space to sleep
If these bills still need paying
Displaying cravings with open eyes
For something mind-expanding
For when I drift away I see the totality of understanding