Murder In The Tulip City

Murder In Tulip City.
The story you're about to hear is true.
Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
This could happen to any city.
It could happen to your city, but it didn't.
It happened in Tulip City.
Murder In The Tulip City!

In Tulip City you have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to attorney.
You have the right to wear funny wooden shoes.
You have the right to eat rusks.
You have the right to redeem double coupons on Tuesdays.
But most of all, you have the right to fear for your life
As you tread in the shadow of the Dutch Mafia.
Murder In The Tulip City!

My name's Agent 357.
I've seen a lot of destruction in my day.
But nothing that compares to Tulip City.
Bodies floating down the Grande,
Poison windmill cookies,
People mowing their lawns on Sundays.
You see, nothing is as obscene and unsightly
As when decent, honest, hard-working, upstanding people
Take control of the underground.