Tear Maker

Can I be fixed? Return to normal?
I was left in methodically wounded pieces
It was like walking through a minefield
He would explode at any moment
Maybe if I were a holy ghost
I could pray to become a pure being again
But the fountain pen has already dried up with its ink
And my hopes were written in our last letter
But it was never sent, nor left my head

My tear maker, you kept them in a little jar
Maybe they convey sadness or joy
I don't know what I felt when they were collected
I could shine like the fireflies at our picnics
I couldn't get through the door we passed every day
It was the best of the worst moments, it was killer
My tear maker found someone else to use
I could go crazy with jealousy
But my revenge will be very poisonous

He died at the fateful hour, he went to the gray world
I could say I was the winner
From this heartbreaking battle, but I was just lucky
He will always know how to affect me, because I gave a part of me to him
It was my mistake, it was my crime
But I've drawn blood from people before
That wouldn't be the problem, but if my legs are balanced
That's why I haven't gotten hurt enough yet

My tear maker, you kept them in a little jar
Maybe they convey sadness or joy
I don't know what I felt when they were collected
I could shine like the fireflies at our picnics
I couldn't get through the door we passed every day
It was the best of the worst moments, it was killer
My tear maker found someone else to use
I could go crazy with jealousy
But my revenge will be very poisonous

Sorry if I wasn't what you expected
But it was supposed to end the moment we met eyes
Our lives were so fucked up that we decided to put them together
We didn't wait for the dust to settle, we wanted to get hurt
But I didn't know you were the blue butterfly
I didn't know you kept my necklace
I didn't know how much it would hurt me
I didn't know if crying would make you notice me, my tear maker