Paraguassu

Tell me why
Did you have to say I need you?
When you always snatch my soul from me
And leaves my shell to rot in brainwash
Tell me how
Did I leave behind all life could be
Vowing a jug of poison in the morning for your moonlit body
You drive me into the edge of a panic attack
Yet here I am, found missing in your arms
And you won't even hold me
Despite luring all that hates me inside
And hell would turn upside down with the fury I feel for your eyes
As their empowered gaze shows me all was a waste of time

But don't you dare patronize what I have felt
I'd never realize how your glance 'd make me mad
How I wanted to caress you and kiss your neck
So I kissed my hand instead
But don't you dare patronize what I have felt
I'd never realize how wanting you 'd make me mad
I felt as if torn, as if I should reach you but couldn't
Dreaming closer to death than ever before

I love the way you touch, but I hate the way you feel
And I hate you as my designer, painting me upon your own desire to disappear
Except when I don't, except when your laugh makes me happy for once
Until you leave and I can't help but ask: Why did I laugh with you too?
Why did I always have to be thinking of you, over and over again
When none of it at all was real? When I could never see you without that veil
That lets no real sensation through
As all that surfaces from you is so fucking
Lame

But don't you dare patronize what I have felt
I'd never realize how your glance 'd make me mad
How I wanted to caress you and kiss your neck
So I kissed my hand instead
But don't you dare patronize what I have felt
I'd never realize how wanting you 'd make me mad
I felt as if torn, as if I should reach you but couldn't
Dreaming closer to death than ever before

And yet it's never enough
And it won't ever be enough

Always stuck on our own egos through venereal fixation, in an ever-romantic disguise
Tiptoeing for angst, yet all too much cowardly
There isn't unity, I need to get out of here
You can't live without me, but I can only live without you