Tom's Silence

I remember all those sleepless nights
The fragile weight inside my arms
The world was way too big outside
So I stood between you and the storm

I traded dreams for your smile
Swallowed fear and hid the pain
I taught you how to walk alone
But never how to walk away

Now I speak and the wind replies
I call your name, the echo stays
It's not anger, it's not a fight
It's a cold I can't explain

And it hurts
When love comes back in silence
When a voice turns into space
When a hug becomes absence

And it hurts
To be memory, not the present
To be past right in your face
I'm your father, Still I am
Even when you don't see me

I never asked for anything
Never counted what I gave
I just wanted to remain
A safe place in your days

I stood beside you when you never knew
Picked you up when you fell apart
Now I stand outside your door
Not sure if I still have a part

I don't recognize that distant look
Those careful words you choose to say
I didn't change who I am
I just kept loving you this way

And it hurts
When affection turns to numbers
When love is pushed aside
When the heart has a price

If I failed, I tried too hard
If I broke, I put you first
Fathers don't learn from pages
They learn from time and hurt

I look at you, Tom, in silence
And see how far you've gone
My heart may be worn and tired
But it was always yours

And it hurts
When a son becomes winter
And a father learns to stand
Swallowing his tears

And it hurts
But I still keep loving you
From the outside looking in
Even when I'm not called

If one day the world gets heavy
And your pride is tired too
There will be an old heart open
Waiting quietly
For you