Harold The Barrel

a Well-known Bognor Restaurant-owner Disappeared Early This Morning.
Last Seen in a Mouse-brown Overcoat,
Suitably Camouflaged,
They Saw Him Catch a Train.

Father of Three, It's Disgusting!
Such a Horrible Thing to Do.
(Harold the Barrel Cut Off His Toes and He Served Them All For Tea.)
He Can't Go Far.
He Can't Go Far -- Hasn't Got a Leg to Stand On.
He Can't Go Far.

Man-on-the-spot:
I'm Standing in a Doorway On the Main Square; Tension Is Mounting.
There's a Restless Crowd of Angry People.

Man-on-the-council:
More Than We've Ever Seen.
-- Had to Tighten Up Security.

Man-on-the-spot:
Over to the Scene At the Town Hall,
the Lord Mayor's Ready to Speak:

Man of Suspicion, You An't Last Long,
the British Public Is On Our Side.

You Can't Last Long. You Can't Last Long.
"Said You Couldn't Trust Him; His Brother Was Just the Same."
You Can't Last Long.

If I Was Many Miles From Here,
I'd Be Sailing in An Open Boat On the Sea.
Instead I'm On This Window Ledge,
With the Whole World Below.
Up At the Window.
Look At the Window...

We Can Help You.
Plod's Chorus: "We Can Help You."
We're All Your Friends, If You Come On Down
and Talk to Us, Son.
You Must Be Joking.
Take a Running Jump.

The Crowd Was Getting Stronger and Our Harold Getting Weaker.
Forwards, Backwards, Swaying Side to Side.
Fearing the Very Worst,
They Called His Mother to the Sight.
Up On the Ledge Beside Him,
His Mother Made a Last Request.

Come Off the Ledge!
If Your Father Were Alive He'd Be Very, Very, Very Upset.
You Just Can't Jump.
You Just Can't Jump -- Your Shirt's All Dirty, and There's a Man Here
From the Bbc!
You Just Can't Jump!

We Can Help You.
Plod's Chorus: "We Can Help You.
We're All Your Friends, If You Come On Down
and Talk to Us, Harry.
You Must Be Joking.
Take a Running Jump......