『メンヘラ』はじめました (menhera hajimemashita)

I Started To Be MenHera

『メンヘラ』はじめました (menhera hajimemashita)

Every day is like this
にちじょうはそれなりです
nichijou wa sorenari desu
Completely dark, as usual
いつもどおりまっくらです
itsumo doori makkura desu
I'm not looking for understanding
べつにりかいもとめてません
betsu ni rikai motomete masen
There's no need to have pity
どうじょうなんてしなくていい
doujou nante shinakute ii

I just blend in properly
てきとうにあわすだけ
tekitou ni awasu dake
Only engage in shallow conversations
うわべだけでかいわして
uwabe dake de kaiwa shite
And in truth, no one believes
じっさいだれもしんじてない
jissai daremo shinjitenai
Even if they do, I'll be betrayed
しんじてもどうせうらぎられ
shinjite mo douse uragirare
That's when I realize my foolishness
ばかをみるから
baka o miru kara

Looking at my wounded arm
きずついたうでをみて
kizutsuita ude o mite
People say I look like a madman
あたまいかれたやつだって
atama ikareta yatsu datte
I'm used to disdainful looks, but
さげすんだめなれてるけど
sagesunda me nareteru kedo
Is it that bad?
そんなにわるいことでしょうか
sonna ni warui koto deshou ka?

Well, I'm not normal, am I?
そうねふつうじゃないよね
sou ne futsuu ja nai yo ne
What is kindness?
やさしさってなんだっけ
yasashisa tte nan dakke?
In the end, you're the same, right?
けっきょくきみもいっしょだよね
kekkyoku kimi mo issho da yo ne
Everything is merely superficial
ぜんぶうわべだけ
zenbu uwabe dake

I'm mentally unstable
せいしんびょうなんです
seishinbyou nan desu
I have some mental health issues
せいしんめんにすこしばかり
seishinmen ni sukoshi bakari
I have mental disorders
しっかんかかえてございます
shikkan kakaete gozaimasu
I'm fragile, please handle with care
われものなんですとりあつかいごちゅういください
waremono nan desu toriatsukai gochuui kudasai
Because I have some cracks
じゃっかんひびわれございます
jakkan hibiware gozaimasu

I can't live properly
うまくいきられないわたしに
umaku ikirarenai watashi ni
Someone be kinder to me!
だれかもっとやさしくして
dareka motto yasashiku shite!

This voice doesn't reach anywhere
このこえはなにもとどかない
kono koe wa nani mo todokanai
Do you not hear it too?
きみにもきこえていないのかな
kimi ni mo kikoete inai no ka na
Even if you do, you pretend not to, right?
きこえててもまたしらんかおね
kikoetetemo mata shiran kao ne
I can't simply ask for help
ただなにかにすがることさえも
tada nanika ni sugaru koto sae mo
Or rely on someone and because I can't
だれかにたよることさえもわたし
dareka ni tayoru koto sae mo watashi
I end up cutting myself again
できないからじぶんをまたきりつける
dekinai kara jibun o mata kiri tsukeru
It's a disorder
しっかん
shikkan

I'm mentally unstable
(せいしんびょうなんです
(seishinbyou nan desu
I have some mental health issues
せいしんめんにすこしばかり
seishinmen ni sukoshi bakari
I have mental disorders
しっかんかかえてございます
shikkan kakaete gozaimasu
I'm fragile, please handle with care
われものなんですとりあつかいごちゅういください
waremono nan desu toriatsukai gochuui kudasai
Because I have some cracks
じゃっかんひびわれございます)
jakkan hibiware gozaimasu)

Crying won't change anything
ないたってなにもかわらない
naitatte nani mo kawaranai
Nevertheless, I feel like I'm going to cry again
なのにまたなきそうになる
nanoni mata naki sou ni naru

This voice doesn't reach anywhere
このこえはなにもとどかない
kono koe wa nani mo todokanai
Does anyone even hear it?
だれにもきこえていないのかな
dare ni mo kikoete inai no ka na
Even if they do, they pretend not to, right?
きこえててもまたしらんかおね
kikoetetemo mata shiran kao ne
I can't simply ask for help
ただなにかにすがることさえも
tada nanika ni sugaru koto sae mo
Or rely on someone and because I can't
だれかにたよることさえもわたし
dareka ni tayoru koto sae mo watashi
I end up cutting myself again
できないからじぶんをまたきりつける
dekinai kara jibun o mata kiri tsukeru

Surely, I don't have a place in this world
きっとこのせかいにいばしょはない
kitto kono sekai ni ibasho wa nai
I'm not blaming you or anything like that
べつにきみをうらんでなんてないよ
betsu ni kimi o urande nante nai yo
So don't say it's regrettable
かわいそうだとかいわないで
kawaisou da toka iwanai de
It's always me who feels lonely
いつもさびしいのはわたしだけ
itsumo sabishii no wa watashi dake
And it's okay that way, but
べつにそれはそれでいいんだけど
betsu ni sore wa sore de ii nda kedo
By thinking that you don't need me, I end up hurting myself again
ひつようのないわたしがまたきずつくから
hitsuyou no nai watashi ga mata kizutsuku kara
It's a disorder
しっかん
shikkan