Heavy Metal Rules

Couldn't make no money as a singer
Didn't seem to get too far
So I sell pot brownies and Vicodin
From the back seat of my car

Movin' back to Chicago
Gonna rest my achin' head
Spotify took my last 2 cents
And the butter for my bread

Gene Simmons said it
Rock and roll is dead
Rock and roll is dead

I never did it for the money
I only did it to get laid
But I can't buy shots for the ladies
If there's no way to get paid

Now I can't make money on my good looks
Can't make it on applause
So I sell nose beers to the kiddos
And thumb my own nose at the laws

But I'm never ever gonna stop playing
Even though rock and roll ain't paying

'Cause heavy metal rules
Heavy metal rules
Heavy metal rules
Heavy metal rules
Heavy metal rules
And everybody else can suck my dick

Gonna make my money stealing hub caps
And selling black tar on the streets
Taking handbags from old ladies
While they respond to Trumpy's Tweets

Apple came to town a ringing
A death knell for the band
If I can't make money selling records
I'm gonna make it any way I can

And I'm gonna keep on rocking your ass
As long as I'm on the right side of the grass

'Cause heavy metal rules (oh, yeah)
Heavy metal rules (Madonna—she's a dick!)
Heavy metal rules (that punk shit belongs on Mars!)
Heavy metal rules (Dokken)
Heavy metal rules (Van Halen)
Heavy metal rules (they all fucking rule!)
Heavy metal rules
And everybody else can suck my fucking dick