In Spite Of My Angel

So sick of committing suicide.
I don't know what is more overwhelming- the pain or the joy.
I will rest now.
I'm guessing that sleep will shelter the pain in my chest and let me drift into the morning safely.
But God only knows what will happen when the first memory drifts into my head.
I'm on thin ice. I'm dying for you to know me.
To trust me. To love me.
Would you hold onto my hand if I were to fall?
To pull me from this sea of lies?
Or would you rather jump in head first and drown yourself? You are in spite of my angel.
You are the spite in my angel.
But I know my spite with angels.
I will cut you into pieces.
I will hurt you.
I don't want to hurt you.
Never meant to hurt you.
I want you so bad.
I miss you.
I have for so long.