El Noticiero

The News

El Noticiero

This is the morning newsEste es el noticiero de la ma?
The only one that says whatever it wantsEl unico que dice lo que le da la gana
After a break we returnDespues de un corte regresamos
With the most complete of what we endureCon lo mas completo de lo que soportamos

O.J. was acquittedO.J. salio libre de culpa
Michael paid ten million as an apologyDiez millones dio Michael por disculpa
Another undocumented person was beatenBapulearon a otro indocumentado
It was self-defense, said the juryFue en defensa propia, dijeron los del jurado

The ex-president went on the runSe dio a la fuga el ex-presidente
With everything he took from his peopleCon lo que le quito a toda su gente
He plays in a casino in Monte Carlojuega en un casino en Montecarlo
And drinks champagne, and no one will judge him herey bebe champagne y aqui nadie va a juzgarlo

It's going to snow in HaitiVa a nevar en Haiti
And it's below zero in Puerto RicoY hay bajo cero en Puerto Rico
Don't leave thereNo salga usted de alli
As traffic is at rush hourQue el trafico esta en la hora pico
And there's more smog than in ChernobylY hay mas smog que en Chernovil
Embrace your loved ones and hold on tightAbrace a los suyos y aferrece
Here it's not good to helpQue aqui no es bueno el que ayuda
But not to bother, rememberSino el que no jode, acuerdece

The Vatican banned contraceptivesEl Vaticano prohibio los anitconceptivos
They prefer children with hunger than a condomPrefieren ni?con hambre que un preservativo
And storks work double shiftsY las cigue?trabajan a dobles turnos
Thinking of opening branches on SaturnPensaran abrir sucursales en Saturno

Soccer is gaining ground in the United StatesEl futbol gana terreno en los Estados Unidos
They want to change the structure so it makes senseQuieren cambiar la estructura pa´ que tenga sentido
They have to enlarge the goals and call eight timeoutsHay que agrandar las porterias y ocho tiempos fuera
To sell us junkpa´ vendernos porquerias

It's believed that the chupacabra is a typical caseSe cree que el chupacabras es un caso tipico
A product of the mixture between two politiciansProducto de la mixtura entre dos politicos
It's a stealthy predatorEs un depredador furtivo
Have you ever seen such a resemblance?Abrase visto semejante parecido

It's going to snow in HaitiVa a nevar en Haiti
And it's below zero in Puerto RicoY hay bajo cero en Puerto Rico
Don't leave thereNo salga usted de alli
As traffic is at rush hourQue el trafico esta en la hora pico
And there's more smog than in ChernobylY hay mas smog que en Chernovil
Embrace your loved ones and hold on tightAbrace a los suyos y aferrece
Here it's not good to helpQue aqui no es bueno el que ayuda
But not to bother, rememberSino el que no jode, acuerdesece

If we seemed sensationalist to youSi le hemos parecido amarillistas
We apologize, there were no optimistic newsDisculpe usted, no hubo noticias optimistas

It's going to snow in HaitiVa a nevar en Haiti
And it's below zero in Puerto RicoY hay bajo cero en Puerto Rico
Don't leave thereNo salga usted de alli
As traffic is at rush hourQue el trafico esta en la hora pico
And there's more smog than in ChernobylY hay mas smog que en Chernovil
Embrace your loved ones and hold on tightAbrace a los suyos y aferrece
Here it's not good to helpQue aqui no es bueno el que ayuda
But not to bother, rememberSino el que no jode, acuerdesece

Until tomorrow...Hasta ma?...