Florida Man

Should you settle down in the Sunshine State
You should know of its tangled fate
How the conquistador came to Florida
Long before it had a name

The medicine man of the Seminole
Knelt by the sacred flame, and cursed the soul
Of the conquistador
And his son, and his sons, and the young ones
Of the Florida Man

Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man

Down at the mall, where the boas crawl
Ted makes love to a concrete wall
His brother Red said his Uncle Ned
Found Elvis in a loaf of bread
(Florida Man!)

High on meth there's little Beth
The neighbor's cat is on her breath
(Florida Man!)
Dan dreams he's got red wings of fire
He's waking an' shaking on a power wire

Florida Man (Florida Man)
(He's cursed)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man

Slim sees his face on a moonlit wave
He grabs a shovel, and digs his own grave
(Florida Man!)
Lee hates plate glass, he drives right through it
Said Alice's caterpillar made him do it
(Florida Man!)

A Miami nurse snatches a purse
And drives down the freeway in reverse
(Florida Man!)
Phil asks the cops to test his drugs
After they find him hiding under a rug

Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
(He's cursed)
Florida Man (Florida Man)
Florida Man

Don't you laugh, it could be you
The Florida curse always comes true
You can jeer but you don't understand
Any fragile soul can be a Florida Man