Thirteen Years Later

I hate that I wrote that song about you
(I hate that I wrote that song about you)
Hate that I just moved on without you
Hate that a constant fog surrounds you
Hate that I never talked about you
(Hate that I never talked about you)
I hate that I never thought to doubt you more

Cause I was thirteen with a mind conflicted
(Thirteen with a mind conflicted)
I hate that you can't describe your sickness
Hate that you had prescribed addictions
Hate that you made your life a prison
(Hate that you made your life a prison)
I hate every night that I found on the floor

But it's never as black and white as they make it out to be
I remember the good and bad and the spaces in between
I let it be
You couldn't see
And then you couldn't breathe

It's been thirteen years now
Since I laid these fears out on the floor
Wish you heard me clear now
I had to take these mirrors down once before

Self-destructive no control
I hate to say I told you so
I wish you tried to make amends
I'll never see your face again
I hate to think it's like that
If l bring your life back I would
I hope you're better off now

I hate that my head is a mess
I hate that you never confessed
I hate that it led to your death
I hate every night that you siphoned
The vicodin I couldn't find any left
Hate that you had no humility
Hate every fear you instilled in me
Hate there was never stability
Hate all the mental fragility
Hate that your memory's killing me

I still wrote this song about you
Willingly
You weren't there when I needed you
So much for responsibility
You had some cuts that were bleeding through
I could have tried for civility
You could have been more agreeable
Cause they really needed you

But it's never as black and white as they make it out to be
I remember the good and bad and the spaces in between
I let it be
You couldn't see
And then you couldn't breathe

I let this get inside my head
Time and time again
In every epilogue I've read
Seems like they never find the end

It's been thirteen years now
Since I laid these fears out on the floor
Wish you heard me clear now
I had to take these mirrors down once before

Self-destructive no control
I hate to say I told you so
I wish you tried to make amends
I'll never see your face again
I hate to think it's like that
If l bring your life back I would
I hope you're better off now