The Philosophy Of Suicide

What went wrong today? Everything is so controlled
Ideals were abraded by reason
Impotent dreams on an overcast day
Out of the depths I have cried and no one has heard
Gods and heroes and imaginary companions
Unrequited promises no longer suffice
Rhythm to repetition, perseverance to insanity
Just because you're alive doesn't mean others should want you

Knowledge is temptation, I repulse myself
On the borderline between neurosis and psychosis
Dissecting my actions instead of being in the present
I dissociated my fear and allowed it to advise me

I am not a messiah, I am a man in trouble
An unbearable waste with no excuse
Pathetic and scared by grotesque loneliness
Morality wasted in isolation

Tomorrow's smile never comes for me
Ambitious but incapable, weak without direction
Another spring prepares me for another summer alone
And there is no return from the killing hour

To be honest it is not this world I hate
But the circumstances which shaped my mediocrity
Fading in an abyss of inaction, said the mirror
This is not a work of fiction - this is my life

Rape the children for their own good
Scars awaken a tragic sense of destiny
Hope is deception born in alienation
To the frantic throbbing of my own heart

Sorry does nothing, objectifying me with pity
Removing yourself from blame, feigning innocence
If those who find me claim to love me, where were they when I needed them?
Some friends would have been nice

Always anticipating, never receiving, I wait
I may see her soon and I will never leave her again
Perhaps next year, perhaps one day, perhaps never
I am not a child yet I am so inferior

At last I reach out, but am I too late?
Ideation of a choice as I pace in agitation
I just wish I could go back and reverse this mistake
I wanted to dance with her one last time

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression
Anger, depression, bargaining, anger
Depression and anger in a cycle of envy
I did nothing to deserve this, I did nothing

Stop this please - I'm in pain
Why doesn't anyone care?
And who will tell her that I've died?
And how will she know how I suffered?
At last I surrender to tears
As I trace my veins
All I can think of is her
And how much it hurts

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