Spanish Mother's (I Just Miss)

Can someone please help me out?
Cuz I’ve been running in circles, finally lost myself.
Self medicate out-loud,
Did the whiskey shots, in the parking lot help?
I’ll stay if you’ll stay too,
I’ve got my brother and we lean like fences.
Can’t cry in this crowded room.
I pulled hard enough, can’t get away from this.

My stomach starts to rot with all the memories that I’ve missed.
Can I be forgiven now, even though I spent years like this?
And the gospel sang ‘hallelujah” but I just miss ya.
You taught me so many things, but until I learn how to grieve
You’re just asleep

I’ll stay if you’ll stay too,
But I can hardly stand their faces.
Heads all bowed in prayer searching in absence of salvation.
There shouldn’t be strangers at these
You might be blood but that don’t make family.
My spanish mother, glimpsing now her kids
She sees his legacy inside of everyone
Of them, she holds onto her ring
Knowing she’ll never love again

And the gospel sang ‘hallelujah” but I just miss ya.
It was the first time you heard me sing
Their were people I’ve never seen
Consoling me
I don’t think I’ll sleep again,
The cars backed up for miles, in this funeral procession
Carried to rest, in sundays best, we buried him next to mit

I’ll take apart again, everything I ever did
If it would bring you home again, make us whole again
It was the first time you heard me sing, and for that I’m so sorry
It was the first time you heard me sing, for all my days you’ll sing with me..
And the gospel sang