King of the Cake Fight

Tell you the story about the tubby from Kansas
I know I was plump for my age
But I knew how to sing and I knew how to dance
And knew my way ‘round the vaudeville stage
Cut all the crap and quit all that slapstick
You ain't what you're meant to be
Your singing's a grace that you're going to waste
Said the voice of the century

I said: Why be second best?
We'll see who's laughin' last
As I walked out into the stage lights
The king of the cake fight

I made a bet you wouldn't believe
As I said, I could sing like a bird
I'm gonna be on top of the heap
Without ever saying a word
Now what can I say: The people rejoiced
And they loved cracking up over me
As the boy with the golden voice
Seized the silver screen

I rode my fancy car
Down sunset boulevard
To my mansion by the lakeside
The king of the cake fight

You know how it goes, you know what's at stake
That fame has a shady side
You make a fortune out of throwing a cake
And someone always wants a piece of the pie
She wasn't much better when she hopped off the train
A starlet just drifting along
I took her upstairs for a glass of champagne
What could ever go wrong?

She don't look so well
But what the hell
It's gonna be a great night
For the king of the cake fight
The king of the cake fight

Disgrace and a shame!
The king of the cake fight
Wipe out his name!
The king of the cake fight