Holidays

I'll try again to make something more of this
To loosen up and pretend like someone's listening
But these walls keep closing in

I'll try again to make something more of this
To loosen up and pretend like someone's listening
But these walls keep closing in
And I'll lie on the living room floor
Watch blades, on the ceiling fan rotate
Just like we did those weeks when we stayed up for days
A runaway picture
So goddamn tired of being afraid of everything
I'll never let myself feel again
It gets harder to pretend
That I'm content to watch the world fade in

I swear I'm gonna die like this
Spending holidays on the couch with the lights off
Hoping for something else
And I swear I'm gonna die like this
Spending holidays on the couch with the lights off
Hoping for something else

After it ends, I'll feel the weight of this
I'll loosen up and pretend like I'm not as empty as I know I've ever been
And I'll lie on the living room floor
Steady state, watching reruns replay
Just like l've always done to feel some sense of me
A runaway picture
So goddamn tired of being afraid of everything
I'll never let myself feel again
It gets harder to pretend
That I'm content to watch the world fade in

I swear I'm gonna die like this
Spending holidays on the couch with the lights off
Hoping for something else
And I swear I'm gonna die like this
Spending holidays on the couch with the lights off
Hoping for something else