Too Old To Die Young, Pt. 4

I think I'll always be like the ugly duckling
But unlike in the fairy tale

I won't turn into a beautiful swan
At least I'm trying
But trying is different from achieving
I was considered a weird kid
Now I'm a young girl at ground zero
I lost faith in my childhood dreams
In my own conflicts, I gotta be my own hero

Cause no one's gonna save you
That's a painful truth
Just as much as lies hurt too
I'd rather lock the windows
I don't want them to see that what shows through in me is my sorrow
I suffer from what happens today and what may happen tomorrow

To this day
I can't gaze at people laughing or gazing at me
Without thinking they're judging me

I don't give a damn if I die
I'm too old to die young
I'm sick of crying so much
Should I listen to my heart or my brain?
Either way
I'm waiting for the break from the pain

When shit happens
The only solution in my head
Is death
I wanna smile
Without crying inside
I often feel the bitter taste of my voice

Making no noise
As I scream in this silence
I'm living in a Picasso's Blue Period hologram
My final takeaway is that I'm the real problem

My mind holds an entire world
But it often wears me down
Nobody's really concerned
And I'm already underground

That's why I was just diagnosed
Don't you notice?
That I'm wandering around
Not cause I'm in the wrong place
I feel homeless
Don't you notice?
That I'm wandering around
Not cause I'm in the wrong place
I feel homeless

To this day
I can't gaze at people laughing or gazing at me
Without thinking they're judging me
I don't give a damn if I die
I'm too old to die young

I couldn't say a word
Even though I rehearsed my defense
To this day, I still feel they hate my presence
That everyone prefers my absence
Maybe I deserve punishment
It feels like my life's hope was flung
Mom and dad, I'm too old to die young