Why Can't The English?

Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she uttered
By law, she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Aaoow

Aaoow
Heaven's, what a noise!
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education

Oh, Counsel, I think you picked a poor example

Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping h's everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school?

What do you tike me for, a fool?

No one taught him take instead of tike
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one

Garn

I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?

It's aow and garn that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too

I beg your pardon, sir!

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language, I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to

Set a good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France, every Frenchman knows his language fro A to Zed

The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening!
But use proper English, you're regarded as a freak
Oh, why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak?