Stupid Baby

Baby bunny, baby honey
Crying in your crib tonight
Don't you know that your dad's on call and your mom's too tall to bend down?
That's what you get for having model, role model parents
They give you the cheek bones, but they keep the love to themselves
All the hugs to themselves, they do

I was born stupid, like all the babies
But I didn't let that end the conversation

Back when coitue wasn't even invented and knocking was just for doors
Your mom popped out of your daddy's ribs
God said, "Get back, go back, you're way too curvy, too wordy, and too pervy"
But your mom said, "I'm here, I'm queer, cum in this gourd. Give me something to work with."

I was born stupid, like all the babies
But I didn't let that end the conversation

Your mom called and asked me if I could babysit
I said, "Not for little brats, like you and your little sister.
There ain't no, no, no, no way I'm coming over for less than $7.50
Mama, you better put out, put out that the blank check
The ones with the dolphins swimming"

I was born stupid, like all the babies
But I didn't let that end the conversation
I moved into higher education
I was an Ivy League baby

You found out the hard way that you had a brother in Oklahoma
He saw you in the tire and thought, "That girl's got the same cheek bones
She might be the one that rich family adopted
I'm going to sue her for the life she stole from me by being the firstborn"

I was born stupid, like all the babies
But I didn't let that end the conversation
I was the baby in the back of the lecture hall
I wiped my ass with your diploma

Baby, baby, wah, wah