Great Joe Bob

(A Regional Tragedy)

He was a panhandle prince…ahhh
Schoolboy football king
They told him "Hi" in the halls
'Cause he could run them balls
But it was rumored (down deep) he was mean
He dated high-tone girls
With frosty pom-pom curls
But he never gave out his ring
He was the best of the best
He met the grid-iron test
An there ain't nothin…as American
An clean
He was the pride of the backfield
Ahhh the hero of his day
Yeah he carried the ball for the red and blue
They won District Triple-A
An his name made all the papers
As the best they'd ever had
Yeah so nobody understood it
When the Great Joe Bob went bad
First he lost his scholarship
To Texas Tech
For drinking during training
An breaking the coach's neck…yeah
Then he got suspended (ahhh) for acting obscene
Around the Cum-Laudy, Cum-Laudy
Daughter of the Dean
So…
He took up with a waitress
Named Loose Ruby Cole
While she was a-hoppin' tables
Down at the Hi-D-Ho
An he met her on the sly
When her daddy weren't around
Yeah but he stopped making yardage
When he started messin 'round
(chorus)
Yeah it spread like a country wildfire
That something big had gone all strange
Joe Bob the Greatest Halfback
Was actin half-deranged…ahhh
He'd been seen out with this woman
Gettin drunk and havin fun
Yeah he growed his hair, then gived up prayer
An said, "Football days is done"
Then…
He and old Loose Ruby
Robbed a Pinkie's Liquor Store
An had a run-in with the law
When they's runnin out the door
An Joe Bob's fate was sealed
For the next century
Yeah he traded in the pigskin
For the penitentiary
(chorus)