Swallow The Lie

I don't know what I'm here, why I'm alone
Ashemed of myself and who I've become
There's something inside me, something alive
I can't stop what's coming, I can't stop the slide

I try to outrun, try to stay clean
Try to pretend I'm not what I seem
But there's cracks in my soul
No place to hide, I can't not disguise the hole inside
It's not a thought, it's not a choice
The pressure is weighted. Silence is no

Give me a blue pill, I just want to sleep
Ignorance is bliss it's over this life there I keep
I didn't want the truth, I just wanted peace
But I live the knowledge and never leaves
I know that it's there, just under my skin
Building and building until something gives in
If ignorance was mercy, I missed my way out
Now the only relif is when the htting comes out

Empty inside, nothing left but a shell
Cooking on silence, no story to tell
Each swing of the cycle is smaller than last
And there's nowhere to run
No future, not past, I wish a had options
I wish I cold choose, wish some would ask me
Red pill or blue? But no one is asking
And I already know
Once you have seen it, there's nowhere to go

It pulls me under, it feels like fate
I tired to fight it, too little too late
Give me a blue pill, let me forget
Let me belive that this isn't it
Let me just wake up, before I knew
Before the pressure, before the truth

Because I know a I can't stop it
And the silence will come
For one perfect second, its quiet just one

And when it happens, the world slows down
My hands stop shaking, the thougts are shut out
The noise dissolves, the pressure break
I finally breathe, I finally okay
Just for a moment, just long enough
In that one perfect moment I remember what quiet was
Then it's gone

Then it comes back heavier than before
Whith fear in my chest, the shame on the floor
Disgust in the mirror, panic in my head
Counting the seconds till it happens again, again, again

I needed the quiet and swallowed the lie
I knew it would cost me, I didn't ask why
I don't crave the chãos, I chase the release
Chasing the moment, but nothing the peace

I should have stayed blinded and taken the blue
The bliss is not knowing, and nothing is true
But I didn't take it, I live in the red
The pressure, the chaos alone in my head
It's build and its pulls till to I have to give in
And live with what I've done to find silence
Again, again, again
Give me the blue pill
Let me forget